Malene takes over the world

This is a story about the downfall of humanity. A story of corruption, a tale of evil, and a lesson to all those who can think and/or live in a society with a political system. And mostly, it’s a message.

Everyone is incompetent.

It all started when the Stormqueen had a heart attack after seeing a massive river troll sitting within her room, who seemed to be getting along with her pet cat better than she did. This river troll was Phinn, and he had been made to keep watch while Malene and Blackfeather were rummaging through the Queens sweets cupboard in the other room. Of course, Malene claimed credit for the kill and demanded to be the next queen. Before the royal guard could even inspect the body for proof, Malene had already exclaimed her desire to take over the world to the masses of peasants before her, and mostly due to being an adorably annoying looking 5 year old, she immediately got support from the mothers who had wanted a child who wore pretty dresses and fathers with questionable fetishes, which was pretty much 100% of the population, other than the nobles.

Of course, there were a few nobles that argued that they deserved the position more than Malene by birthright, considering she wasn’t even a princess born in Mont Lille, but members of the resistance headed by Celeste assassinated each one of them. They had come to the group decision that having an easy to manipulate, stupid leader was a lesser evil than having a rich fat cat in charge. Boy were they wrong.

So, now Malene was the Queen of Mont Lille. The news spread fast, and the resistance quickly made their way towards Mont Lille. In the meantime, instead of solving any of the issues in her country such as poverty, illness, the over abundance of Slumbering Husks and Pulseweave or anything boring like that. Instead, she blew half her citizens taxes on a royal wedding that lasted a literal month. From that point on, she decree the month of April as ‘Malene Happy Month’, which would become a 30 day public holiday from the next year onwards. The rest of her funding mostly went into clothing/beauty products for her personal use and torture tools to threaten Blackfeather with every time he tried to hit on the actual incarnation of lightning that powered her night light. It still had breasts, for some reason. It wasn’t that Malene and Blackfeather were in an active sexual relationship, she was simply selfish but also clueless about the needs/wants of her partner, leaving him permanently blueballed until he died.

On the last day of the wedding, the resistance finally arrived at Mont Lille to find it in a state of chaos as flowers piled upon the streets like snow, confetti became a staple part of the diet for the poor and more wedding flyers (which looked like they were drawn by a handicapped child) than living people.

Needless to say, the whole resistance was terrified, except for Cath, who was a gay pedofile and fallen in love with Malene instantaneously. She and Kestrel (who was afraid of accidentally firing an arrow into a Cath bubble and killing everyone within a 1/2 mile radius) immediately went to go support the new queen, while the resistance went to go request that Malene would allow Celeste to rule instead. However, in her confusion, the mid-pedicure princess (who had coincidentally held 5 aftershocks at that time) switched to her dark form and autoattacked Celeste, killing her instantly.

Now that the rightful queen was dead, Vox and Ardan surrendered, wanting to continue the true bloodline in the future, hoping that their ancestors would take revenge for this tragedy. Vox became the royal bard, and Ardan and his nuclear reactor was the perfect warmth to be Malene’s footrest. Ardan prayed the radiation would kill her, but it never did. Cath, Kestrel, Malene and Varya would soon become literally best friends based on their sadistic tendencies, although Cath feels like she’s the only one who actually acknowledges it, or has even figured it out.

Soon, Malene set her sights on other locations, the first being Gythia. She rode Blackclaw into battle, who like a real dragon, one shot everything with its flame breath, especially this tough looking knight dude and this red head paladin chick. Gythia was taken in a day, due to them not teaching their tanks any sort of magic and letting them just run into a world full of wizards and magic with just a metal door attached to their arm and some noob armour.

Malene didn’t like how Gythia looked, and had her dragon piss all over it. Literally just, piss all over it. It was so incredibly bad that that place became unsuitable for human living, and would pretty much instantly knock you out if you came within 5 kilometres of it.

She took a much different approach for Taizan Gate. She made Blackfeather duel Kensei for the position of big boss. Of course, since Blackfeather is actually potatoman, Kensei ate his ass handily, and Malene got Varya to skewer him with a spear from the castle. With Kensei dead and her ‘boyfriend’ getting knocked out like a little bitch, Malene decided to test her miniature nuke plan. Cath stood in the middle of Taizan Gate and Varya, sitting on a pile of Shatterglases, rained lightning down upon the bubble, reflecting so much damage it had the power of a small nuke. Cath was mortified at first, but she felt like all those deaths were justified once Malene mentioned a slumber party in her room as a reward to her loyal servant. Varya didn’t care because she’s just lightning that looks like a human. She still had boobs. Nobody knows why.

The rest of the world was conquered in similar ways, where Malene would try to conquer the place before getting annoyed at the smallest thing and destroying it without a thought. Some notable locations were the Halcyon Fold, which had its ecosystem destroyed by the diseases and animals brought from the Sovereigns Rise, disrupting its beautiful balance forever and Dragon Fall, where she had a beach episode, blueballing BF even further.

Also she cooked Lorelai alive and ate her, which was weird to say the least. Roasted Naga for everyone!

Soon, Malene had conquered destroyed the whole world, and the only people that were left alive were either in small villages that would die out for not having the ability be completely self reliant and the rich elite in Mont Lille, who would soon starve when they didn’t have the ability to leech off of the farmers that had previously been under their thumb. If there was a god out there, they really should have stopped this.

Soon, there would be infighting among the 10 or so people that would survive the previous atrocities, and in the end, the only survivor would be Malene and Susie. Susie simply flew around, being invincible as usual, while Malene camped in her Dark B for the whole fight, being invincible as usual.

Now the world was left with one evil girl and her bird, a shambles of what society used to be. Malene would eventually ‘die’ herself, but not before using the visor technology on Barons mech suit and the reprogramming techniques used to create Alpha to create herself a simulation where she could enter her conciseness. She used this machine to play episodes of Scrubs on loop endlessly in her permanent slumber from that point onwards.


I can’t be bothered to write more, I have my own projects.

Screw you leni.

stormqueen seeing. Technically the vyn would have warned her a mile away

da hecc did i just read…

I know there are plot holes but like…