In hopes of being on team Lucky Aces, here goes -
Red Lantern Reza -
I bet this guy has a Tweety Bird tattoo, a bottle of watery, glittery shit on his key chain, a Rascal Flatts CD in his car stereo,an unemployed live-in boyfriend named Samuel but goes by “Cooter”, has Dancing with the Stars on TiVo, owns at least two pairs of Crocs, and uses White Rain hairspray.
He can’t keep a plant alive for a week, has never traveled outside the Fold, reads People Magazine, loves Hamburger Helper (the shell kind that clumps cold cheese inside), constantly stares at Grumpy’s ass, and has an extreme case of halitosis.
Avatar is his favorite movie, he owns a Ramones T-Shirt but can’t name even one of their songs, smokes Kools 100’s and wipes standing up.
Monster energy drink runs through his veins, he thinks Olive Garden is authentic Italian cuisine, has no clue how to pronounce hors d’oeuvres, and reads at a 6th grade reading level.
He celebrates ICP’s entire catalog, is anti-vaccine, has been duped by at least one pyramid scheme, and was on Cops in in 1997 for getting into fight with PlayoffBeard outside a 7-Eleven.
He’s never thanked anyone for holding the door open, routinely spits his gum out on the lane, rage pings vision after building no defense and pushing a build-complete Saw, and walks into restaurants five minutes before close.
He has a history of being over-picked, thinks Vainglory tutorials are gay, can’t spell Mississippi, smells like an onion, and looks like a thumb.
He is the least interesting man in the world.
Maybe Gwen will love me now
