My return to Vainglory - a little story about what I experienced today

As I proclaimed in a post early this afternoon, I chose to take some time out today to play just Vainglory after a period of not playing it at all, as I missed it. The following are some notes, little stories, and my overall impressions of Vainglory’s current state. I only ended up playing 5v5 before getting exhausted - I’ll return to 3v3 sometime later (today, tomorrow, or the day after possibly).

My writing has a tendency to run-on, switch time-presence and pace a bit in circles. Bear with me, I’m only an apparition.

Two things to know about me before reading on:

  • I more or less play ranked exclusively. I feel my greatest challenges in Vainglory always arise from ranked matchups. Casual has always been, in my time playing Vainglory, a bore.
  • I’m very hard to tilt. Like, impossible. I don’t really give a damn. I’ll release an exasperated sigh when the chips are down, but that’s the extent of my transgressions.

Without further ado, my madness:

1st match - the expected, harsh reminder

5v5 ranked
45 sec queue time
bans: taka, saw, ardan, alpha
match dodged by 3rd player (my team’s second pick)

requeue, dodged by player in match found screen

new draft
bans: rona, vox, alpha, taka

team was a mess. no lane management. no obvious knowledge to counter pressure. very unskilled. unorganized. sarcastic pings met when players tried to help eachother. I played pretty poorly this round, I haven’t played in a while (as we all say), mechanically I need to get myself grounded but I also am suffering from what appears to be the poor networking on SEMCs part? it’s odd. teammates are all wiling out, blaming game ensued, multiple attempts at surrender (from teammates) failed. we captured blackclaw three times and still my team couldn’t get it together to win. this includes myself.

match lost. 25:44.

2nd match - the ballad of my misery, told well enough to win

5v5 ranked
1.43 queue time
bans: taka, alpha, saw, malene

team, again, extremely uncoordinated. this match moreso lacked actual knowledge of Vainglory, vs how a MOBA works. a vast wealth of enemy heroes could have been killed (and I mean, left to roam with 2 health kind of deal) but never were. this happened so many times I stopped counting. (for the record, I stopped counting at around 10). despite the lack of aforementioned coordination, objectives were taken and lanes were dealt with much better than the first match. after capturing blackclaw once, we managed to ace and push right through. mechanically I was much more in-tune than the previous match, though I suffered from periods of tunnel-vision that got me and my teammates into tight spots that could have been avoided had I been paying attention. I’ll pretend I’m warming up.

match won. 17.12

3rd match - I am Gargamel, and I am hungry

5v5 ranked
1.12 queue time
bans: taka, alpha, saw, malene

player dodged, by the only person without a role, who asked “who’s playing captain?”, whilst the whole team had otherwise chosen their role and picked their heroes.

requeue, dodged by player in match found screen
requeue, dodged by player in match found screen

new draft
bans: taka, saw, malene, alpha

my team has no captains. the closest we have is a glaive who’s building WP. team is hyper-coordinated and very minimal pings - even helpful ones - are being used. everyone was on the same page, up until enemies got blackclaw first. it put the team into a mental mess, it got a bit hairy, suddenly everyone’s a hero. nobody can out-sustain the opposing team because everyone is trying to kill their own opponent, or, they have the desire to 1v4. our minions managed to push their way right into the enemy’s vaincrystal, though, which was pretty decent. enemies captured blackclaw a second time, we killed it before it got to our last mid turret. we managed to ace the team, and, when the opportunity to push mid arose, everyone decided that this was the opportune time to farm. we stole blackclaw after the ace.

match won. 29.16

taking a 30 minute break to do a bit of cleaning, refresh my space and mind, and get back into it.

So far, the first and most apparent difference in the game is the overall network quality is nothing as it used to be. I’m running on a wonderfully fast connection, had no issues with ping - BUT - no movements felt entirely “untrue”, I had to anticipate for both movement of myself, my opponents, and what I assumed (read: hoped) the network saw happening. I vividly remember a snappy, trustworthy Vainglory that had beautifully responsive controls and what I assume is the netcode - I don’t know, I’m not a scientist and I didn’t go to college.

Teamwork is minimal in my matches so far. Everyone’s got an agenda, I am assuming that my teammates occasionally suffer from periodical blindness, deafness, and possibly restrained motor skills. Possibly numbness or paralysis from the neck down.

Pings are a response mechanism. They’re seldom (read: never) used to make commands, suggestions, or communicate a plan or coordinate actions. Pings are best served cold, as a side dish to an unsolicited serving of salt when something doesn’t go someone’s way.

My desire to play has increased, but my faith in what I would consider a “normal match” remains scarce. I don’t actually believe I’ll queue into a proper, honest-to-God old-day Vainglory match - I know this sounds a bit elitist or purist, but I wholly feel that a key element to what I remember Vainglory feeling and playing like is missing. I now am certain that the element it’s missing is a player-base of which is mostly knowledgeable of what they’re doing.

I used to be able to confidently - albeit with reservations - queue into matches and expect that most of my team would know what they were doing, or what the point of the match was. I see that part of this may be due to the shift from 3v3 to 5v5, as now there’s a higher chance per-team for me to have players of whom know less about the game. Possibly even have little care to. It’s a mobile game, after all, right?

4th match - live free, try hard

5v5 ranked
7 sec queue time

match declined by player
requeued instantly

bans: taka, malene, alpha, rona
match dodged by a player at the very end of hero select. this is getting old.

requeued instantly
bans: krul, malene, alpha, taka

pretty good match. enemy team is equally as coordinated as us, though they appear to be a bit more kill-thirsty and in turn it’s getting them killed. their captain is a pure-WP ardan. yeesh. our captain left halfway through a team fight, returned about 3 minutes later and died again in a late entrance to a lost team fight. we captured blackclaw, pushed mid, some of my team died - including myself. after, we managed to pull ourselves together, ace, and push mid. My own personal skill during this game I would say is at the peak (so far) of the days’ games - I was landing double + triple kills left, right and center - enough that I became somewhat of a first-target to the enemy team, which was both a compliment and a curse. I shone through a lot. My confidence of where I was as a Vainglory player is returning.

match won. 29:03

I want to take this moment to reconsider Brawl, as, I will not play it. I remembered I hated talents.

5th match - forty fotress flicks felt fantastic facing four fabulous fellows

5v5 ranked
12 sec queue time

bans: taka, malene, alpha, rona
match dodged by a player at the very end of hero select. this is getting old.

requeued instantly
bans: krul, malene, alpha, taka

I fucking love fortress.

they were down a player after the beginning of the match resulted in fourth deaths on the opposing team. enemy surrendered at 7.38

match won

Because this match ended in a surrender due to a player abandoning the match, I decided to do one last 5v5, before moving onto 3v3.

6th match - my previous team, only better

5v5 ranked
25 sec queue time

bans: malene, krul, taka, alpha

Most of my team and I from the prior match, sans 1 player, managed to get into the same team as eachother, again. the pre-game chat was a pleasure. we kicked ass, a lot of ass, holy me oh my. taking objectives while the whole opposing team is still alive isn’t even a concern, it’s that intense. their captain apparently wanted to take a whole lane by themselves and stood out of a team fight. bad call.

match won. 20.32

I first decided to take a break here, but, two members from the previous team wanted to queue together. So I did.

7th match - a little bored, but feeling good: me irl at any social event whilst drinking

5v5 ranked
14 sec queue time

bans: malene, saw, taka, alpha

partied up with two teammates from the previous 2 matches. they were clearly skilled, and, playing ranked, it was a clear choice towards a victory. except, we got ganked by all 5 of their teammates at our crystal treant. with a flicker. no bueno. we also have 3 captains? I didn’t even notice until after draft. the opposing team is very skilled. this might have been a bad decision. they’re definitely more coordinated than us. the members I didn’t queue with are making very poor decisions. match is turning around, the enemy team now needs to stick together to survive. captured blackclaw.

enemy surrender at 21.48

match won.

And so, I’m done for the day, I think. I might play 3v3 later (as mentioned above) but I have other games to play and other things I wanted to do today in my free time. I don’t have much else to add to what I’d already stated above, but there are a few quick extras I’ll add.

  • Matchmaker has seemingly improved, for the better. Definitely. I can feel it.
  • People who insta-lock junglers love the lane.
  • If you don’t ban Malene, someone will dodge.
  • What is CS?
  • What is the jungle?
  • What is a captain?

If you’ve read all of this, and have made it this far, congrats. You’re far more insane than I.


‘I am Gargamel, and I am hungry’?

but glad to see you back :heart_eyes_cat: don’t ever play blitz br is semi-fine and uuuuuhe 3v3> 5v5 :smirk_cat:

see you around, DREAME

Gargamel always wanted to eat smurfs.

Thank you, thank you!


All I can say is I’m Groot
Nuff said

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This post restored my faith in humanity. In the immortal words of George Costanza:

Looking forward to your next missive!


If you just let us boost you, the you would have more coordinated teams :^)

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Off topic sorry but can that be the new saying when SEA servers are lagging


LMAO so tru


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Don’t forget why is this monster in the jungle

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I love the way you write. This was an awesome read!


Thank you, that means a lot. I appreciate you reading it.