How to Defeat Trolls 101

posted in the original Vainglory Forums 11 October 2016 by @AnthonyVince, archived by @thace

Backstory: I was playing as Skye in a ranked match (didn’t pick it, someone wanted to switch and I was like oookay) and obviously I’m not a pro. Right from the start, Kestrel starts ping spamming me after she dies twice in lane. Ardan then starts to build 3 Aegises and a Crucible.

Long story short, we lost.

So as expected, the Kestrel added me after the match to cuss me out. So I decided to have some fun with them (I was laughing so hard, I was telling @Magmaw about it at the same time).

And guess what? It worked. They stopped responding after a while.
So, guys. I am making a guide to benefit you all. No longer will trolls be annoying - you can instead BECOME THE TROLL! So when a troll adds you after a match, I’ve compiled a list of things to say: (100% guaranteed to scare them away…so far)

“I like legos.”
“Orange is a fruit.”
“Legos are my favorite fruit.”
“Fruit Loop.”
“Tree house!”
“Do you like asparagus!”
“Hello, I’m a business associate from Amazon!”
“My name is no.”
“My sign is no.”
“My number is no.”
“See Spot Run”
“Taj Mahal.”
“Buckets of poop.”
“Pineapples are falling from the sky”
“Potato pancake”

I hope you guys enjoy my extremely well thought-out post on how to overcome the trolls and have some fun with them at the same time! Oh yeah, and feel free to add any of your own random phrases.

You can thank me later.

(I promise, there’s nothing clinically wrong with me.)

For the more aggressive (courtesy of @Vincitore):

You can do what I do and make suggestive remarks at them:
“Did it feel good when your vain got shattered?”
“Want me to extract that salt from you? It’ll be fun I promise!”
“You really got messed up by Lance’s impale didn’t you? You should’ve first picked him when I said to, then you wouldn’t have been in that position.”
“You seemed to let that Skye bully you a lot as Taka, are you S?”
“You should’ve spent less time in my lane bush and more time counter jungling.”

That or you could copy paste my Rick Harrison thing.

Or for the one-sided having-a-conversation-with-myself-like-a-weirdo-joke approach (@GanonTARDIS):

“I’m Batman”
“You’re the Joker”
“Let’s RP”
Bang, Pow
Insert Batman theme here
“You wish you could be Batman”
“I like waffles”
“Wanna know why?”
“Cus I’m Batman”
“Knock Knock”
“Bec who, u say?”
“Becoose I’m BATMAN”

If they haven’t unfriended you, you did something wrong.

This guide is getting great reviews from people such as @DIMTI who can’t stop praising it:

Thanks for this great strategy! I’ll use this on the next troll I encounter to see what happens. I’m going to throw in some random SB quotes while I’m at it, like:
“Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.”
“More soup for your armpit?”
"You’ll never guess what I found in my sock last night! Go ahead, guess!"
and “Weesnaw!”

And @Magmaw who believes that (and I concur) we should show this to SEMC:

I’m actually starting to seriously consider another ranked match with my frazzled state of mind. Then when I tryhard next to a jerk and friend them, I can test this all out

We should totally promote this to SEMC as an anti-troll measure (if your friends speak nonsense then you shouldn’t play together!)

I like Carrots. Do you like Carrots?
Oh, I see, you are my friend too?
Oh, my charger spilled some electrons on the floor, brb sry
Have you seen my friend named Elo here?
Would you like a cookie from my tablet?
Did you know that the Moon Landings are fake?
How about that? We sure showed them! (after a LOSS)
Would you like some tea for your tablet? Mine just got a cup
Narwhals are awesome!!!
Do you want to see my crayon drawing?
Hey bby, wanna meet tonite? (followed by "wrong chat sry"
What did you think of my foot stutterstep?
Can you tell me what the Super Bowl is???
I need halp. Gatorade? Pepsi?
Man, these shrooms are the bomb
Have you tried spinning in place as an alternative to drugs?

And one by @Vorv for good measure: (Who apparently STOLE it from @Anni, fo shame)
“My uncle ate blue lettuce tomorrow”

Feel free to use these as well, or mix and match!