If you tap on the image below, you can read the entire feature:
Interesting.
Personally, I would write it like this:
Since its 2014 debut, Vainglory has been a shining example of competitive play on mobile. Thanks to gameplay refinements, several modes of play, regular in game Events and a slew of new heroes, Super Evil Megacorp’s (SEMC) beloved 'Multiplayer Online Battle Arena (MOBA) has remained a mainstay for gamers.
Not much change here. I threw out seasonal modes because that’s false and put in Events.
Like most MOBAs, Vainglory places you on a quest to destroy the enemy’s base. Communication with allies, outsmarting your enemies and learning your hero are keys to victory! Choose among a variety of characters - like a baby dragon that sets things alight, and a tough commander who can fly across the map!
I reworded some parts, and replaced Petal and Churnwalker with Skaarf and Yates. It’s better in my opinion because Skaarf is one of the more adorable heroes in Vainglory, coupled with some of the best skins; while Yates ult is true to its statement and catches the attention a bit more.
Who will win: A giant saber-toothed feline warrior, or a man with a lightsaber?
I think the image needs to be replaced. Kestrel is in no way a warrior =__= Plus, I think my suggestion would be a bit more bombastic (Glaive vs. Idris - at least it’s a fair fight).
Vainglory revolves around the classical five-on-five competitive play, offering 25 to 30-minute matches. However, other modes are available for those who want shorter matches to hone their skills. The game offers ‘three’ three-on-three modes - competitive play, Battle Royale and Blitz. Each contains their own set of rules and methods of play, diversifying the user experience!
Simple update. I can’t believe they put 5v5 in a later section! Don’t they know players skim these things?!
For those that have downloaded Vainglory and played it a little, you’ll find there’s plenty of new things to explore and collect!
Rephrased this to be a bit more enticing and exciting in tone.
The game features touch controls, onscreen joystick controls and in-game voice chat for pre-made parties, all essential tools to aid you in your journey to learn Vainglory and play with friends! Aside from having a roster of 40+ heroes to choose from, players will also find good in-game rewards that become better the more they play!
Reworded this part a bit, removed the crafting system because it’s vague, and removed the “meticulously balanced” part because we all know that’s not really possible and far from the truth across most if not all games.
Skipped the image and text, since it’s ok.
Removed all the 5v5 stuff since I added it to a more forward section.
Many in-game pointers and external guides are available for payers to learn and improve themselves. Vainglory at its core is a MOBA, brought to you by SEMC to mobile with no holds barred!
Download now and start your journey to Vainglorious today! Are you ready to take on the world?
Edited the final piece to give a bit of fluff.
MOBA FOR MOBILE - WITH TOUCH & JOYSTICK!
Modified the tagline so it covers both control schemes.
Overall, it’s an ok write up. However, I do feel it has bee lazily written and/or updated.
Nicely done. Your rewritten version is FAR better than the original.
Clearly this is done by a third party completely independent and free from influence from SEMC, and intentionally done that way as to keep this article unbiased and not get bombarded with fan boy critics / online socialites.
Sorry to bombard on your “sales pitch” edit, but it doesn’t work for me. I guess I’ve been around long enough to know when something’s being “sold” to me. I like the original, raw and mistaken identity write up. it makes it more real.
All App Store features are written by the Apple editorial staff.
Umm … that’s the point of an App Store feature, actually.
“Real” as in “inaccurate” and “dated”? 
Seems like an odd way to try to promote an app …
Well, I don’t mind.
I wrote the things from a perspective of a salesperson and someone who at least pass the tutorial.
As with any sales pitch, it can’t hook everyone. That’s the way thinsg tend to work anyway.
I get that an unbiased article is good, but I feel there’s a need for at least some proper arrangement and updating rather than pile on things without editing out information that isn’t relevant.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback.
Personally, the article does not sell to me. I lean towards the consumer that tends to fall for what I can see in the images and such, rather than read the words.
That’s how Vainglory actually got me to download it for the first time.
it does have a certain appeal. it’s simple and doesn’t tug on any emotional heart strings. simply asking a question at the end.
yeah, i know. i studied marketing. Maybe they’re targeting a different demographic.
